Sesquipedalian Octogenarian Aryan Rhinoceroses Discuss Infantile Maroon Asiatic Rhinoceruses.

Sesquipedalian Octogenarian Aryan Rhinoceroses are the best kind you see, they’re patient, loving, tolerable and white to some degree. Maybe your children will be able to see them still, unless the blacks poach the last that are living free. 

Perhaps the ancient white ones, with tusks so long and white, shall trample down a marauding band of pirates lurking around at night. Think not too hard of extinction, they are the last of a few, maybe we’ll be lucky and we can clone some more for you.

They’re better than the Asiatics, hardier than most, absurdly better than Sub-Saharan, they drink and then they toast. They fight naught and whine none, pure of heart and skin tone the Aryan Rhino tramples on. It creates a path for the blacks to follow, villages these highways make, for without them they would wander and in the sun be baked. The Aryan Rhinos, the life givers under the sun, they lead the way and kill the gay, fucking cheetahs son.

Why wouldst thou hatest upon them, for their way of life? The Aryan Rhino stands firm like a mighty oak, of the woodland northern lands, firm and strong, breaks not under duress.

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Oh Lampoons

I knew I was a psychotic menopausal cunt when I was 13. I was proud to be not able to ever menstruate properly and control my angerand I was proud to have a dysfunctional vagina. I went around by myself inschool and I  twiddled with clitoris because I no longer lubricated properly. No one would hang around me, but at least I orgasmed twice a day.

The girls  locker rooms are full of menstruating young girls these days. They lack the hardcore attitude that makes me the  Superior. Diving into the lowest forms of postmodern decadence, they fluff around like the bleeding  machines of teenagedom! They are fluffing my pride away from my vagina! I no longer have a reason to be proud have a dysfunctional reasoning faculty and vagina when the young teen girls complain about their periods! The Bleeding Unterfrauen have threatened my menopausal power and it now time to declare war against the Bleeding Unterfrauen.

They are  the blood sisters of a new human race. Bleeding vagina, hair braiding. hardcore breeders. They are the soil of a new tampon and Maxi pad filled nation. Get out of the way you bleeding cunts, you’re just jealous of my cunt. I am not interested in how heavy your flow was. I don’t want to know when your periods sync up!  I  care about hardcore  power rubbing my clitoris to orgasmic bliss.  Vibrator power. Get away from me with your disgusting outfits that ride up your ass and show your perfect little taints.  I bet they are organic in the non-Evolian sense of the word. You fucking perfect pussied bitches.

The Dysfunctional Vagina Bearer is a fearless femdom who is not interested in the boys and their social causes. The Dysfunctional Vagina Bearer knows that might makes right. I need to show the Bleeding Unterfrauen what it truly means to be the Dysfunctional Vagina Bearer.

I need to form a new resistance of Dysfunctional Vagina Bearers. Fighting the Bleeding Unterfrauen, I will take back my pride and destroy these inferior bleeding bitches at hair  parties. I do not like Bleeding Unterfrauen. I do not like bloody cunts. It is time for me to take a cue from my menopausal Grandma. I must stand together as the Dysfunctional Vagina Bearer, the taint  of glory and non-lubrication, and the taint without the  stench of week old blood.

Blood =Period Bitch

The Bleeding Unterfrauen are not proud to be gay. They are proud to be fabulous. What is fabulous about a bunch of bleeders who think glitter is so ever-so-awesome? If you answered “nothing” you may be a Dysfunctional Vagina Bearer.

Icall on the Dysfunctional Vagina Bearers to stop associating with the Bleeding Unterfrauen. It is only us, the Dysfunctonal Vagina Bearers, who understand the true meaning of normative female physiology. Bleeding culture is Impure Vagina. It is bleedist, festering,  vaginatarianism.

Tonight we rise our swords in honor of the Dysfunctional Vagina Bearers. We call for war against the Bleeding Unterfrauen.

Pyro Grandmother.

PYro
Grandma!
IN HEr ROcking Chair
WIth
A LIGHHHHTEEEER!
TAKE IT AWAY
GRannnndmmaaa
Wheeere DIID Youu Get THAAT lighhhhteer
Loook
Behiiind
You!
Nursing!
HOme!
IN FLAAAAMMMMEEEES!
There GOOOES A NOTHER ONE!!!!
GRandma!
WHy
DID YOU TAKE MY LIIIGHTER
I WAS
gGOOOnna MAke youuu TOOOOASt
IMMM SOOOORY
THAt IIII
waaaaas!
TOOOO slooooow
DOnt take it out on the oooold FOoolllks
IM SOORY
iTS arsooon
Your gooing to JAiil
HOpe you have fun WIth BUUUUBBBA
Dont light him on FIIIRE
Pyyroooo
Graaandmaaaa
Tomorroow
I beettter
Nooooot
SEEE
yoooooou
on the NNEEEEEEEWS
On the NEwws
it Saays
Pyro Grandma
Burns down 23 Schooools
Now Grandma
WHyyy DId yoooou doooo it
I knoow you cant read
buuut whyyy cant you leeet it gooooo
Keepp lIIGHters
Awwaay
frooom yoo grandmas
Because they may be pyroooos
in DISGUISE!
instead of making you cookies
They may plot wookies
AND BURN down San Franciscoooo baaay
Pyro!
Grandma
Pyro Grandma
DONT BURN MY PIIIIIIIIIIIIE!

The Improbable Rise and Fall of Postal Worker Shootings.

The toner… it’s out. Fuck, how the hell am I going to print these labels?
Christ, this fucking sucks. I need to package this shit. God damnit, I hate the post office. I wonder when the last time someone died in a post office.
Fuck my life, we’re out of tape too?

My wife left me, my pensions been cut, and I’m the only one working here. What the fuck am I doing with my life? Shit nothing thats what. Fuck it, let’s make a new statistic. Postal worker death.

I’ll go get my gun.

– Last thought of Liam Johnson, Post Office 113 shortly prior to committing suicide via 9mm.

Rectal Bleeding and You

The blood it spurts forth in crimson tides, flowing forth upon thy porcelain palace. All hail real life percussions for butthurt gone awry, perhaps you have read one too many blog? One to many piece of information has burrowed its way into thy skull! Infuriation, despair, the feeling of pain. The body cannot handle any more, and thus exits, forcefully through the path of least resistance, thy rectum. Perhaps you will bleed, maybe even disembowel, no mortal man can survive this manly period, your flow is so heavy that you may not even make it another 30 minutes. A tampon perhaps? Nay, your fists shall block thy anal passage, an alabaster silk road which has been stained the horrid crimson red.

Shove, shove, shove, let the reverse labor begin, like a woman unbirthing her child your fist shall enter painfully into your anal cavity. Your hips shall shatter and you shall cry like a wench, your birthing hips are no match for the rage you feel about politics and religion, you filthy little bitch. Oh my, the blood has coagulated on the floor the effervescence steams forth, my my your blood is toxic! Why must you harbor such whiny feelings, let them flow forth like the blood, spill thy emotions and detach yourself from care. The true way is to be unhindered by that which you read, that which you see, and that which you know. Flow, softly and silently like  a river in a wooded Chinese grove, unseen by the patrols. Avoid the conflict, and let it avoid you as well.

You see this rectal bleeding has been brought forth by yourself, you being the insignificant puny individual you are, cries out when your feelings are hurt. You cry forth like a wounded rabbit caught in a snare, as if the information your nervous system has just processed has maimed you! Lies they are, you are perfectly fine, why not let the idiots lie? White knighting gets you nowhere, thy dick shall not be sated you fool! No women shall fall for your frivolous pursuit of morality! Shut thy mouth bitch and move on. Shove that tampon up your ass you woman, get over yourself and your petty morality. The bleeding will stop when you end your own suffering.

Hrothgar.

Oh Hrothgar, Hrothgar king of the Danes, fuck the waffles you’re gonna be goddamn insane. You live in the Dakotas, Christ fucking alive, murdering wenches and fucking bitches galore. God damn son, no one asks you “Why fucking fore?”

In college you’ll be the slayer among slayer, punch those dick fucking Quidditch players. The manliest man, a beard to your balls, fuck ZZ top and their shitty ass drawls. They’ll crawl to your knees, and beg for your secrets however you’ll tell them to fuck off and go snort from the beakers!

I am the Bob Dylan, your fucking jester. Make sure to take care of your goddamn sister, I swear to god I will cut a man, little fucking g, fuck that big man. The days will drag on, and the nights will be shit, but at least your father isn’t too big of a dick. He may be angry and drink all your scotch, but thats what happens when bitches crave the damn cock.

Fuck that bitch cousin, fuck his shit up. I swear to god you better slay it or you ain’t King of the Danes, you’ll just be a pussy fag like Benny the Insane. However if you do become like Benny the bum, I’ll fuck your shit up and your father will drink the rum. You’ll live not another day as that is an unforgivable sin, fuck that man and his little dick and chin. Don’t be a little bitch, don’t pretend to be black, dont be a fucking kike, like Sussman, thats right. Do go into radio, and make your mom money, fuck bitches, get stitches, sell coke to the hoes. Mother knows best, and bro’s before hoes. Praise my literary genius and I’ll teach you one day, you’re the fucking Frodo, I’m Gandalf Fucking Gray.

This shit is ridic, I’m out for the day, time to go snort some crystal herocaine.