These are the words I bid to my wonderful Matthew Forney, the master of my tiny Skype world. With biting fury I cast myself off of the chat engine and forth into this new text, to pursue my first quest. He has finally deemed me worthy and as such has sent me forth to attempt to combine the topics of gun control and black holes! Granted for him it may be a feat, but for I? Nay, it is but a simple exercise in the twisting of the English language!
Gun control, be it a constricting law or a non-existent entity is tied wholly to black holes. They share many things in common! Imagine Earth! Just sit and imagine it, I shall give you a moment. Alright, now spread it thin! To the vast expanse of the universe, stretch it like a contortionist until it goes on endlessly. You see, black holes are scattered around the universe, much like gun control is spread about the Earth! In certain pockets these laws are so strong that they crush everything (re:North Korea) and in other places such as the great new discovered blank area are completely devoid of gun control (re:The lost tribes of the Amazon)!
Where they exist they suck the energy from the area until the entire place is sucked inside! What happens inside of a black hole you may ask? Spaghettification, you silly animal, how dare your 7th grade science teacher not fully explain this wonderful process to you! Society would have been stretched to its breaking point and then all hell breaks loose. However, we know not what happens at the bottom of this black hole, perhaps on the other side fuck all goes on and it is all chaotic, this is what I shall assume happens when the Earth is completely sucked in upon a black hole.
To combat this however, there is naught we can do. Please tell me, which of you wonderful internet travelers has a solution to black holes? Gun control is like a black hole, they both suck. At least one of these two makes brilliant astronomical observances though! Woe are we all as the mass of black holes approach the mass of the Andromeda galaxy!
My friends, I hope that this has come out to be quite the conundrum for you, and that this endeavor in writing has brought you to frustrating tears and the uttering of “I have no clue what he is attempting to get at.” I respond to that statement with a “Because fuck you, that is why.” I bid you all a good morning, and that your coffee goes well with your doughnuts.